I was crafting along. And then. Life took over.
Here is the reality of it… I lost my father in June. And then I lost a beloved Aunt last Friday. Then, my Mom called this morning from the hospital. (she is fine. she is fine. she is fine.)
I am breathless.
I have a threenager running around, mostly joyous and light and magical, singing made-up songs, and barking like a dog. And sometimes growing suction cups out of her hands and feet and sticking to the sidewalk, refusing to budge for a reason that is clear to her.
There is preschool, and car repair (DAYS sucked into the vortex of “car repair”), and the dishes. The vacuum fairy has not made it to our house yet. But, really, I am waiting for her great Auntie, the purging fairy.
Sewing and Knitting fall into a circus balancing act at these times. I need to step away and put two seams together. I need to sit, still, and figure out where I am in the flower section of the fair isle. And with the same strength, I need to take care of my daughter. And keep the schedule moving. And wash clothes periodically. The very act of creating something means I am still “me”. And it gives me control over something. Something inanimate, which is good. While I could always spend more time with the kid, more time cleaning, or my time making dinner fancier, it is still important (to me) to make something. Or at least make progress on something. (Do they really both need dinner every, single, night? )
Somehow, the grief has not taken “time”. But it has taken something. It is as if someone pushed a “slow mo” button somewhere. I have had to ask people to repeat conversations that I am sure that we had. Or “send me that in e-mail” because my brain is frozen. Then it snaps back on again.
I’m sure this will pass. It is the Arc of Grief. I will try to decorate for Halloween. Before Halloween. I will try to record the made up songs. Because I don’t want to miss them. (no one should miss them) I will crank out a Word Girl Costume, even if I have to stay up all night on October 30. (please oh please, no.)
It will all be fine. Everyone will find their way back to a normal. My head will function at a higher level again.
I put this out there to all of you too – all of you lovely readers who have been looking at this blog. It’s a craft blog. It will never be an expose. But it is also very real. It is a conversation, between two friends, crafting. So I thought it was time to share the ying and the yang of the crafting balance. And I am betting that you can all relate. If only I could write a “how to” that was “how to find the time”. Or “DIY: organize the craft HOUR in your day.” I’ll keep looking.
I wish you all a peaceful fall, filled with family and friends and a good night’s sleep, and an hour or two of time with the needles in your hands.
© 2005 – 2012 Kathy Lewinski & Susan Cornish
Susi,
I am touched by your choice to share with us–something so simple and heart felt. As I have learned through blogging–we are a family, strangers in life drawn together for a common cause. Although, many of us have never met–we are still family in that we connect on a real level of shared joys, despair, life and unfortunately, death.
On a personal note, I am a certified grief counselor so I wanted to offer these encouraging words–normal will return (however YOU define it) and it is very healthy to share your thoughts and feelings with others (in whatever forum you choose). Sharing you thoughts is a very healthy response to loss and you are on a great path to accept/acknowledge the loss and challenges you have faced.
On a crafting note, creativity finds its avenues in different venues and so this too will return. It will return as will your crafting. There is something reformative in creative something new. Time juggling is always a problem for those people who love to create and you will find that healthy balance.
In closing, I just wanted to respond because your blog brings me such JOY and HAPPINESS that I wanted to provide whatever return feelings that I could. You will never realize the acceptance and pleasure that I have felt from the community you and Kat have created on this blog and I just wanted to return the love. Best wishes–(dr)Russ
Dr Russ,
Even though that comment was directed to Susi, I have to tell you that you have me in tears here too. You have been a special part of this community we are trying to build & I appreciate that so much.
Kat
You need to warn before making me cry. Yes, I too can relate both in the loss and creation. I don’t know if I have ever heard or read the need to create put so concisely or eloquently. Thank you for sharing and your wishes. Please accept them being sent back to you and your family.
Charlotte
Susi–I will always remember 20 years ago how I met Bob at the Japanese class, and became friends. And then made a connection to your family that I will always treasure. Might live too far away for a visit, but my heart goes out to you (and your family) as you heal from these losses.
I love that you are so in love with crafting. I think it is the perfect idea to work through a little project as you find bits of time here and there through your busy days keeping up with Amelia.
Sending lots of love your way!
Fran
You are remarkable. And an inspiration to me everyday of my life. You know this (you DO know this, right?). And I am so happy that knitting and crafting keeps you, you because it keeps me, me too. And that’s only one of the things that keeps us connected. xo