I love Halloween! Everything about it. The costumes, the candy, the fun, the season. And having a kid to celebrate with has made it all the more fun. But I came to a realization this year. I learned some things.
Leading up to Halloween I asked her what she wanted to be, and I got a myriad of answers. “Purple princess”, “onge butterfly”, “Astronaut”, “chocolate”, and “bacon and eggs”. Then later, “pirate, ARRRRRRG”, and “cowgirl”.
We went with bacon and eggs. (shoes didn’t matter, and head gear was not imperative to the costume.) The costume was made, and there was time to see it and get used to the idea.
There was talk about it. But, in the end, it never went on her body. Literally, never. We have had two little parties to go to, and both times, she just refused. She likes it just fine. And she talks about it. But really, that is not for wearing in her mind.
Finally on Halloween, we talked about Trick or Treating and I said ‘what do you want to dress up as’ and she said “a purple princess”. I called a store that had some lovely princess dresses earlier, and they said they still had them, and off we went. We found two options, a lovely pink velvety princess dress, and a purple dress. We tried the dresses on, and the first one was frustrating for her. So we tried the next one on, and there was a full blown fit. You would have thought the suit was covered in fire ants. She literally had fear in her eyes as she cried out “too big, TOO BIG! Take it off! Help Mama! Help me!”
Done. It was off in a flash, and we were just done with the whole thing. At some point, we will figure out more descriptive ways to talk about clothes. But right now, all problems are encompassed in “too big”.
I showed her some lovely fluffy skirts, and she smiled. “Do you want pink or purple?”
“Purple”.
Done.
And the sales woman was so super understanding. She said “would you like this wand to go with your skirt? It will be my present. “ Jambi let out an “ooooooooo!” and then said “Tooth Fairy!” “Poof”!
This ‘costume’ was not hand made. (GASP. I mean, the shock of that alone! People, I HAVE A CRAFT BLOG for heaven sake!) It is not ‘clever’, or ‘current’.
But, then, lets get some ‘real’ juice and have a sip, I did not pick her costume this year. I didn’t even influence it. I just facilitated FINDING something that resonated with her.
Ha. It is not about me. And for my precious darling, if I try to make it about what I want, I will become a really sad version of the reality shows. I will be a version of ‘THAT Mom” that I DO NOT want to be.
So for this year, for us, the way I could help my kid, and the way I could show her love was not what I ever thought it would be.
She got a store bought costume at 4:30 in the afternoon on the day of Halloween.
And she was happy. So I will let go of my preconceived rolls and rituals. I will try to listen to her. And I will certainly learn from her.
And the bacon and eggs, the cow girl, the ballet outfit, and the new purple skirt will all live in the new dress up box. And someday, we will have a robust picture collection to share with you, of her wearing all of them. You know, or NOT. I’m not going to push it.
Happy Halloween. And happy crafting.
© 2005 – 2011 Kathy Lewinski & Susan Cornish
Or better yet, of her wearing them all at once. Cowboy hat and bandana with eggy shirt and princess skirt and a fairy wand. The craziness is so much fun to watch.
Susi, you are going to laugh so hard about this one day with your daughter. I can just tell. I love this story! And her Tooth Fairy costume is adorable (regardless of its store-bought-ed-ness.)
When my daughter was young her Halloween costumes came out of the dress up box; something she had already worn one way or another.
Only three times in 14 years did my daughter let me make something new; 1) when she was a newborn I made a pumpkin bib and hat 2) when she saw some beautiful iridescent black and green fabric she really wanted for a witch costume and 3) a Raggedy Ann outfit to match her life sized doll’s outfit.
I love this post! Good for you for listening to your daughter. My son had/has real issues with textures and fabrics, so I definitely have been where you are. She looks like she’s happy and having a good time, and that’s what counts! Yay for you two!
~Angela~
Wise words woman. Those kids of ours have a way of teaching us, eh? Mine do the same thing, pretty much on a daily basis.
What an awesome story. I’m reading this almost a year late… did she ever wear the bacon and eggs?
Cindy, Ha! Nope. It never went on her body. In fact, I just recycled the costume and handed the pieces off to other users. Alas. Here comes Halloween again! Hold on to your (witch) Hats!
Yes. That is exactly it, there was fear in her eyes! I did just as you did, but I wonder what is going on psychologically?